Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize