I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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