I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You took a bar mat shot.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
