a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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