she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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