I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he thought i was a dude.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
