Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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