I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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