new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
