At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
