i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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