I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
