I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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