I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize