Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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