i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize