Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
