Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
