Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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