How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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