like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
