If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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