My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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