im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
