Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Holy shit dude........stairs
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
