Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
