Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
