Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
