We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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