I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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