I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
