in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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