Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Randomize
