It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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