So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
How naked do you want me to be?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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