how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
