I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
