Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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