I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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