Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You made out with two different species that night
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
