I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
