just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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