who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
