I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
