My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
