Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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