His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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