It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
