Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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