Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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