i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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