My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Help. Why am I so naked?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize