just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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