i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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