there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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