my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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