I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
