grandma shit on top of the toilet
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
