I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
