at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
