I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
