i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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