Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Boobs speak an international language.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
