omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
