He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
