sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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