The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
