hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
