All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
home. puking in laundry basket.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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