why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize