your parents love me but you hate me
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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